Fears

I’m paranoid the pink eye is going to come back again to our house.  Every time I have an itch or a little bit of ‘sleep’ in my eye I swear it’s back.  Every time I look at the girls and see a slightly pink/redness to their eyes I swear it’s coming back.  And then I think that we’ll try treatment again just to have it fail and the infection will invade our brains and then we’ll all die.  I almost didn’t hold it together when my mom caught the cold going around and her eye got red.

I’m paranoid every time we get near stairs with Big Ive.  She is a very clumsy toddler (got those genes from me, full disclosure).  She so very much wants to be independent and climb up and down the stairs by herself holding the handrail and not your hand.  She can’t reach the handrail at our house, yet, so it makes her even more unsteady.

When we’re out in public I wonder if people think I’m being an overprotective mother by not allowing my child to walk up and down the stairs without me being to strict about holding my hand.  I tried that last week going down a flight of about 5 stairs.  I was holding Little E in her car seat carrier and walked a couple steps ahead of Big Ive.  Bad Idea to let her attempt on her own.  She started falling down the stairs starting on the first one.  Thankfully I had the foresight to walk in front of her and caught her before she fell to the second step.

That goes hand in hand with me insisting she hold an adult’s hand while walking about.  She doesn’t want to do it and then gets so hurt and scared when she falls, which could have been avoided had she just been holding a hand in the first place!

I’m afraid I’m going to loose my balance walking down the stairs when I’m carrying Little E or both Little E and Big Ive.  In my head I see visions of us all falling down the tile stairs.  I try to think of ways to save the kids and not get knocked out.  I have no idea if any of my ‘plans’ would work.  I hope to never have to find out.

I’m afraid I’ll never learn German.

I worry I haven’t taught Big Ive enough colors and shapes and letters and numbers and counting.

I worry that Big Ive will need a more specialized type of school than we can provide for her here in Germany.  It’s not that I think she is in any way learning disabled; it’s that I think she will need more of the gifted and talented programs that are common in the States.  I’ve heard those don’t really exist here.  This worry is a few years away and I still worry about it.  Heck, I don’t even know if she’ll need specialized courses.

I worry I don’t read enough books.  Or news articles.

I worry the tulip bulbs we bought won’t sprout.

I worry when LOML doesn’t merge soon enough for me.

———-

Lots of silly stuff, some serious stuff, still all worries and fears of mine.

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