update of nothing new

My last post about not having an answer to where we’re going next and when (https://hausmilleradventure.com/2013/05/04/the-question-for-which-i-still-have-no-answer/) is still unanswered.  LOML and I have lived through a week of a handful of crazy backs and forths that we weren’t expecting whatsoever.  One day it was A.  The next day it was the complete opposite of A, B.  Then there was something that would go in the ‘Pro Column A’.  The day after that we had a ‘Pro Column B’ incident.

The day after learning about option A I took it all very physically — my shoulders and back seemed to get tighter and tighter as the day wore on.  When we talked that evening, and got a short shoulder rub from LOML, I felt better.  Just to start over the other direction learning about option B the next morning.  Repeat super tight shoulders all day.  At least learning about the ‘Pro Column’ items didn’t affect me physically as much.

And it’s not like Option A is a bad thing.  It would actually be a pretty good thing.  It was just so far out of my thoughts of where we would be living and what we would do it caught me really off guard.

Each time a new thing appears it feels like a huge pull in one direction or another.  One day we get pulled to the left.  The very next day (and I’m not exaggerating it being the very next day…it has literally happened like this countless times) we’re pulled to the right.  The first pull pretty much convinces you you’ll go in that direction.  And then the opposite pull happens and somehow we have been pulled back across center and are now convinced the other direction is the path that will be taken.

It is much harder to live in this back and forth period of time than a simple not-knowing period.  At least when you don’t know either way you have no good reason to think about and worry about everything.  When it is getting closer to the end date and you know you need to start making a few more plans it is so hard to not worry, not internalize, not make the stress into physical stress.

Hopefully getting some of these thoughts out will allow me to sleep better.  It is almost 11pm; I should have been in bed an hour ago.  The past week-ish I have been staying up late at night, which is not like me at all.

***Yes, I know I’m being super cryptic with what I’m posting.  However, not all of the people close to us even know of what these things mean.  And we don’t want to tell a bunch of people something just to have to tell them the complete opposite a day/week/month later.  Basically, we still don’t know anything more.  No use getting you all excited or bummed out with all these options.

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