We have come to a decision on where we will be living for the next couple of years. It was a very hard decision that physically ate at us for months this year. It wasn’t easy. In making a decision we would have to say no to one group of people so we could say yes to another group. That is so hard when you have grown to love two countries, two communities, so far apart you could have never imagined this would happen even 2.5 years ago.
We chose to stay in Germany for right now. It was so hard to say no to moving back to family, moving back to friends, to a community we had grown and lived life with for 5 years. But, it was almost like the decision was made for us. We didn’t have an easy way to return to Arizona right now (which was our preferred place), and prospects of living closer to LOML’s family weren’t panning out. LOML and I didn’t want to have to uproot and start over again somewhere new for another short period of time. We’re not really those kind of people that move often. If we were going to move, we were going to move back to family, as the benefit of living closer to family (blood or not) has been made very clear to us after living countries and an ocean away for two years. Yeah, we could have moved back to the States—somewhere—but we didn’t want somewhere. We wanted one of two locations and that didn’t work right now.
I know I am disappointing some people by this decision. And I know I have made some people happy by this decision. I am sorry if this has hurt you. I’m sorry if this will further impact and harm any friendships we had before I packed up and moved to Germany. The decision to choose to stay here was definitely affected by those friendships and family-ships (if I am allowed to make up a word :) ). LOML and I tried to find a way to move home. We desperately wanted to do that, but I think God didn’t have that in the plans for right now. Right now we stay where we are.
As I explained to many people when we first started telling our decision to our friends in-person here in Germany, is that this is a very bittersweet decision. We are sad to not be returning to family and friends. But, if the decision had been reversed, we would be equally sad to be leaving our new friends and family in Germany. How is it possible to have deep feelings for two lands? Two cultures? I never understood that love and pain until living here. (There was no way I could understand having lived in the same city for the first 27 years of my life.)
But, there are good things about staying. The girls and I can work on our German language learning a lot better living in Germany than in the US. Big Ive is practically fluent for a 3 year old speaker. Little E is coming along quickly now that she’s been in the German Kindergarten full time since March. I am slowly getting a grasp of this crazy, funny language through my classes. Maybe sometime in the near-ish future I will be able to hold a conversation. I hope. LOML will have some new opportunities with his job here in Germany that he wouldn’t have had we never moved here, had we not chosen to stay. And I get to keep playing music in the village band with my German friends.
We can continue to grow community with our German friends here in our village, with our church a few villages away, with the American military community around here. We can continue to do God’s Kingdom work, which we believe we can do where ever we are. (And for those that read this who don’t believe in God, you can think of that as just doing good things, giving selflessly, choosing to live an intentional community life.)
If you skipped everything I wrote above, the bottom line is:
We are staying in Germany for now.
It was a hard decision.
We love our family and friends back home, and miss them dearly.
There are good things happening here in Germany that we are a part of.
P.S. If you have any questions or want more details, please ask. I purposely kept the details off and this sort of vague because this is a public blog and I like to keep it semi-anonymous. You can email me at hausmilleradventure (at) gmail (.) com if you don’t already have another way to contact me.